Would a Leprechaun trade his pot of gold for this BURGER?

While the Irish have no words for yes.... YES!

 

My friend Gypsy Jeff (look for him singing Django Reinhardt tunes in front of the Rite Aid on 2nd Street) recommended this burger to me.  Located in the heart of the gay ghetto on 4th and Broadway, EJ Malloys is a great neighborhood pub with a long copper top bar and open outside patio in the back.  

We entered EJ Malloys at about 8:00, and the place was packed to the gills. I let Heatmeiser walk in first, his flaming red hair gave us instant street cred.  I scanned the crowd and observed all types of local night crawlers and characters.  Fortunately, there were 3 spots at the  bar, so we pulled up and grabbed a menu.  

The menu at EJ's is enough to make Karen Carpenter roll over in her grave.  The lengthy menu offers something for everyone,  from corn beef and cabbage for all you red headed, haggis lovers to BBQ pork carnitas for all of our hermanos to the South. I scanned the menu looking for their basic burger, then I found it for $8.25.  Creatively named the Basic burger for its simplistic ingredients of bun, meat and vegetable.

While waiting for my burger, I began to chat with the bartender and quickly realized that we had gone to high school together.  We caught up on local stories and rumors over a few more beers as I anxiously waited for my burger.  Then it came as beautiful as the fabled blarney stone itself.  After the first bite, I was thinking EJ stood for extra juicy. Served hot and cooked PERFECTLY PINK,  the burger had a great meat taste. The sort of taste one would expect from a great midwestern steak house.  The bun was toasted and covered in a tangy 1000 island sauce.  The burger was topped with lettuce, tomato and red onion.  I ordered cheese on the burger for an extra $.50.  My only complaint is that the cheese was not melted enough... what do you expect for $.50?

In review, this was a great burger.  Not just a great burger for an Irish Pub, but just a great burger.  If you stop by EJ's say Dia Duit (Hello in Irish) to John the Bartender and tell him Hungler and Gypsy Jeff sent you.

Can the Jumper Claim a delicious BURGER?

Yes, I broke down and visited a chain restaurant. At the suggestion and pushy urging of my New York, Jewish Attorney friend and burger connoisseur , I entered the Claim Jumper on 2nd and PCH in search of the perfect flesh patty. Some may ask, can a Jew be a burger connoisseur given their aversion to mixing the meat and cheeses? Well, that's for another blog... see  hasidic-hamburger-helper.com.  Now for all you burger purists who believe a chain restaurant simply can't offer a burger that can compete with the dingy bars, dives and diners of Long Beach, I have some words for you...

I walked into the bustling business at about 6:00 PM on a Sunday night. I quickly skirted the host wearing the silly Sheriff's star and began to make my way through the large bovine like clientele. Wow, can this place pull in the porkers!  My senses were somewhat heightened when I observed these sloven creatures waiting patiently to put down the "Mother Lode". Surely, the obese and substantially rotund know where to find good burgers, a high cholesterol count and a diminished life span.

I entered the bar and bellied up, ordering a cold beer to wet my pallet. I pulled the menu, turned the page and identified my prey. I waited for the bartender and ordered the Classic Cheeseburger medium rare.  Is there any other way to order it?  Double Thick Tillamook Cheddar, Mayo, Red Relish, Pickles, Tomato and Green Leaf Lettuce all for $9.95.

The meat had a great backyard BBQ taste and was cooked to an excellent crimson hue. The Tillamook was perfectly molten and tasted great.  However, the bun lacked the crisp warm crust that is signature to a great burger.  The sauce (red relish??) was average.  The fresh veggies served on top were crisp and cold which went well with the warm cow cake.  The burger was served with a large pickle and crisp fries.

In quick summary, the search is still on.  While the burger had all the arithmetic that could have added up to success, the math was a little off.  

Clearly,  the Claim Jumper has struck gold catering to Richard Simmon's disillusioned and hungry.  However, they have not laid claim to the best burger in Long Beach.  

Does the 49'rs Tavern make the best BURGER in LB?

My vision quest began Sunday night at 49'rs Tavern. Located in an awkward strip mall containing a boxing club and chimney sweep at the corner of PCH and Bellflower, the 49'r is unique because it has no kitchen.  Yes, that's right, the place that claims to have the best burger in LB has no custom indoor grill, flattop, fryer, oven, or trained burger chef.  So how was the burger? Well, we will get there.  

I entered  49'rs Tavern with Hot Dog Jones, Heatmeiser and Dan the "Felter" Man.  We shuffled past some of the Tavern's regulars who were chain smoking in the parking lot.  These gin-blossomed senior citizens were not what I expected from a burger joint on the edge of Long Beach State.  I kept my eye peeled for some of the young  co-ed "dirtbags" (I think that's what you call them) but didn't see any at the pool tables or bar.  It could have been that the Tavern was devoid of any young female "dirtbags" due to the airing of the Daytona 500. However,  I did notice several violet necked fans with Nascar hats yelling at the T.V.'s.

So, I was ready to take on the Tavern's finest, called "God's Own".  To  be fair, this was not my first, second or third Tavern Burger, but the first since I had begun my burger blog. GO is prepared like all of the 49'rs finest  - on an outdoor grill (like the kind you can buy at Home Depot).  So, I walked to the counter and ordered my burger from the young female working the bar.  The young lady, who looked like she had just gotten off tour with Death Cab for Cutie, kindly took my order.  I also ordered a pickled egg for the Heatmeiser.  I then watched as one of the tattoo covered grill masters lurked out the back door to begin work on my burger.

GO is a 1/3 pound burger served on a sesame seed bun.  The tangy meat has an excellent twang from a Worcestershire sauce bath.  The Burger was cooked well and served with a bag of chips in a red basket, simple in its design.  The lettuce, onion and tomato were very fresh and crunchy.  The bun was slightly grilled and the swiss cheese was perfectly melted.  The Burger was dressed in a secret 1000 island style sauce that went well with the twang of the meat.

After finishing my burger and beers, I coasted into the bathroom and pulled up to the urinal troff.  Next to me was an older gentleman massaging his prostate in an effort to relieve himself.  I took up a quick conversation with the man and he mumbled something about a burger contest at the Tavern.  I guess there is a competition to see who can eat 3 triple bypass burgers the fastest.  I quickly zipped up and returned to my table, a little frightened of what I just witnessed and heard.

 

In sum, an excellent back yard burger served in a tiny beer den on the edge of Long Beach State. Unpretentious and cozy, definitely worth a visit.  

The Best Burger in LB? That remains to be tasted.  But a strong burger for $7.75.