REX LOVES TRACY'S BUNS

In the immortal words of

George Costanza, "I'm back

baby"! Friday night Rex took

the ladies out to Tracys for

some beers and burgers.

Along for the gastric gut going

on's were Slug P., Gita and the

Nishan-maru. We also had a

guest appearance from my new

protege, Bucky "The Burger Boy". Located on Spring and

Bellflower blvd., Tracy's Bar and Grill is a local establishment

that caters to Long Beach's

working class heroes and

fireman.

Lets begin with the obvious, Tracy's has great buns. In fact, most of the service has great boobs also. But listen, the reason REX is burger blogging is to tell you that this LB joint has a delicious burger. Take my word: order the Basic cheeseburger and an ice cold beer.

Take a seat at the bar, belly up and enjoy! Tucked between a christian bookstore and a yoga studio, this place offers white collar fare at blue collar prices. But take my word and order the Basic Cheeseburger. Served on a beautifully toasted brioche bun, this 1/2 lb. charbroiled steer saucer is served perfectly cooked to order. Lettuce, tomato, pickle, 1000 island and onion (raw or cooked) compliment this perfect pile of meat and cheese. The bun 2 cheese 2 meat ratio = pure hedonistic calculus.

Whether its the bar tender with the perfectly placed butterfly tattoo or the cute brunette waitress with 2 perfect mugs of ice cold beer, this place offers a little something for all. This is a place where you can take your wife, girlfriend or both. Further, if you happen to be a holster sniffer or hero worshiper this place is for you. Do yourself a favor, stop by and tell them Rex sent you!

http://www.tracysbarandgrill.com/

The Strait talk on Curley's

A few weeks back,  the boys and I ventured into Signal Hill to try one of Curley's "World Famous" burgers.  Located on Willow and Cherry, Curleys has been a Signal Hill Staple for many many years.  Iggy, Hot Dog Jones and AT all made the hill climb to eat Curley's meat.  We sat outside on the patio and gulped ice cold beers to the constant hum of two working oil derricks in the parking lot.

We started with an order of wings (Iggy was paying up on a bet) and a round of giant beers served at 29.3 degrees.  The wings were great.  Cooked to a crispy perfection and bathed in a spicy buffalo sauce.  Our waitress/bartender was a sweet young woman named Kim.  Kim was friendly and quick with the beers.  Before ordering, I cruised into the bar and noticed the green vinyl booths and chairs that dotted the empty bar.  The decor was oil field chic and the locals could best be described as "locals".

I ordered the cheeseburger for $7.50.  Cooked on a flattop and served with lettuce, tomato, pickles, mustard and a "homemade dressing".  The burger was delivered overcooked and ordinary.  While the fresh sesame seed  bun was memorable, the rest of the burger was diner ordinary.  I quickly powered down the burger finished my beer and headed out the door feeling that my experience had been less than world famous.    

Can The Irish Grill A Great American Burger?

Last Saturday afternoon I drove over to Ecky -pon -Rex's house (no relation).  He had called and wanted me to go to one of his neighborhood haunts.  From his house, we walked to Gallaghers on Broadway and Temple.  Located in the old Key Largo spot, both the decor and crowd has changed.  I hear the glory hole was the first to go followed by the daiquiri machine and Bet Midler impersonator.  

Now Ecky warned me that both the service and food was a real gamble.  In fact, the last time Ecky ordered a burger he was told that they were out of buns.  I bet Ecky never heard that at Key Largo. 

Well, this whale was ready for some burger baccarat!

We entered and took a seat on the sidewalk patio.  We ordered our first pitcher and I slowly perused the burger choices.  Gallaghers offers a wide variety of burger combinations for an "Irish Pub".  The sun was shining and the beers were cold.  The waitress was an attractive brunette who was quite personable.  In fact, she warned me not to leave my camera near the patio railing due to the risk of theft from the local curbside cat burglars.  Ahh... you have to love Long Beach!

After another pitcher, I ordered the "Old Fashion American Burger".  I figured what better place to have a burger named after America than at an Irish Pub.  The Old Fashion is a 1/2 lb. grilled angus patty served with green leaf lettuce, tomato, pickle, red onion, American Cheese, mustard and ketchup for $8.95.  Ecky went for the Shannon river BBQ burger, while Hot Dog Jones, the patty patriot, ordered the Old Fashion American also.

My Burger was served hot and smothered in gooey American Cheese.  While the burger was cooked past medium rare it still had a great grilled taste.  The 1/2 lb. patty spilled out from beneath the bun, like Andrew Zimmer's gut in a belly shirt. After the first bite, I noticed the overwhelming taste of mustard.  While, I'm not a huge fan of the yellow condiment, the combination of American Cheese and French's mustard somehow worked well on a burger served by the Irish.  

My advice for all you hamburger hunters, take your own gastro gamble and try Gallaghers, at least its not Key Largo anymore.

 

The Prospector Fails To Mine Burger Gold.

If Knott's Berry Farm had a bar this would be it.  Complete with faux cave walls, tacky western murals and a gold rush theme, Haskell's Prospector offers the western wannabe a watering hole on 7th and Junipero.  

On Saturday afternoon, Hot dog Jones and I saddled up to the bar ordered two beers and then moseyed over to a table in the corner.  While waiting for the Giant Jew (GJ) to make his appearance, I surveyed the bar scene and was amused at the eclectic mix of lounge lizards.  At a table next to us, I observed the not so rare urban cougar.  Clad in a slinky black dress and white high heals, she was definitely on the "Prospector Prowl".  At the bar, there appeared to be two female "softball players" arguing about Melissa Ethridge's  last album.  A couple stools down the bar, there was a tall blonde sporting camouflage pants, think Army surplus chic', working the old timers at the bar. 

The atmosphere at The Prospector is self described as "unique", and that could not be closer to the truth.  In fact, the bar and lounge at The Prospector is closed off from the restaurant by a glass wall and door.  Like something out of a government laboratory, the lounge area has been hermetically sealed from the restaurant.  Given the local neighborhood and crusty clientele,  it seems Mr. Haskell has taken precautions to quarantine the "unique" bar flies from his family eatery.

After a few beers, this cow poke rang the dinner bell and ordered the "Buckaroo" burger for $6.95.  Served open face; the tomato, lettuce, white onion and pickle came on the side.  The burger came with  a choice of soup/salad and fries.   The soup was "split pea delight", so I did the safe thing and opted for the salad.  

The burger flew out of the kitchen covered in bright yellow processed cheese, .50 cents extra. The bun was slightly stale and the meat was cooked to the tenderness of rawhide.  The burger was served dry, lacking any sauce or condiments. While the tomato was crisp and fresh, the poor shriveled leaf of lettuce was limp and anemic  much like an old man without his Viagra.  

Now, I know that since 1965, The Prospector has been known for their inexpensive prime rib, steak and lobster dinners and not their burgers.  But Mr. Haskell, this Burger Miner was digging for mORE! 

   

Thirsty for a Great BURGER?

Lets quickly get to it, Thirsty Isle serves a great burger!  The best in Long Beach?  Maybe,  at least the best so far...

Thirsty Isle, located on Carson Blvd in Lakewood Village is the quintessential burger joint. Offering 18 ice cold beers on tap, a large eating area full of aged wooden benches, pool tables, a juke box and a delicious inexpensive burger...Thirsty Isle could convert even the most hardcore PETA devotees. 

Along for the cruise to the Thirsty Isle was HM and a few special guests including;  Gita "the elephant", Slug and Chucky J.  We bellied up to the bar Saturday night and I ordered one of their famous 34 oz. schooners.  Served at approximately 28 degrees  its a  guarantee you wont leave the Isle thirsty.  

The crowd at the Isle included; crusty locals, frat guys and weekend golfers.  The bartender was an adorable red head who apparently has Thirsty Isle in the blood.  After another goliath brew and a few bags of shelled peanuts, I was ready for my burger baptism.  I asked the bartender for a menu and she pointed over to a hole in the wall with a menu posted above.  

I lurked over to the burger glory hole and ordered a 1/2 lb. cheeseburger and fries.  I had heard that the Isle's burgers were $2.00. However, I think I paid $5.oo.  Primed by the large beers and intoxicated by the smell of an open grill, I happily walked back to my bar stool and waited patiently for my burger. After 3 or 4 gulps from my beer, my burger was slid in front of me by chef Jose himself.  Apparently, the kitchen is run separately from the bar by Jose and his wife. All orders are "cash only" and that goes for the kitchen and the bar.

At first glance, I was impressed with the size and appearance of the burger.  The large 1/2 lb. patty was obviously hand formed just like the way my old man made them for summer backyard bbq's. The burger was cooked to medium and dressed with tomato, lettuce, pickle, white onion and thousand island.  It was tasty despite being cooked more than medium rare.  The patty pie was juicy and had a fresh taste.  The iceberg lettuce was extremely crunchy adding great texture to the burger.  The pickles and thousand island offered a sweet and sour kick that complimented the meat. Lastly, the fresh hand cut fries were piled high and seasoned to perfection.

 

If you are looking for a gourmet kobe burger with smoked gouda, watercress and truffles served with a side of pommes frites by a metrosexual waiter, keep driving! However,  if you are looking for a dive bar with super cold beer, blue collar decor and a super delicious no frills american burger, come in and quench your thirst at the Isle.

Next week, I will be looking to strike burger gold at the Prospector.

 

    

I'm not Gay, but my BURGER might be...

I'm not gay, but my burger might be the only hamburger to be made at an openly gay bar & grill. Hamburger Mary's on Broadway and Alamitos offers burgers by day and transvestite cabaret by night.

Hamburger Mary's claims to be the ONLY national chain actively marketing to the Gay community.  So I thought to myself, what's better then hamburgers and homosexuals? The hunt was on!

I picked up my date Heatmeiser (a real life Clay Aiken look-alike) and planned on meating Dan the Man on location.  I proudly walked in and was instantly bombarded with red lights, red vinyl and pumping Cher music.  Heatmeiser and I grabbed a table and a beer and waited for Dan.  I suddenly heard my name called and turned around to see my friends Mr. and Mrs. Creepy "T" from F - Town.  Looks like I'm not the only one who enjoys burgers and Backstreet Boys.

I cruised the menu and was delighted by the diversity.  There was Kobe burgers, Buffalo burgers, Ostrich burgers, Wild Boar burgers and just straight cheeseburgers. I ordered the "Mary" burger, Heatmeiser and Dan fisted the Kobe and Creepy T gobbled the Buffalo.

I ordered my Mary medium rare with a thick slice of cheddar ($1.25 extra).  The burger was prepared with shredded lettuce, tomato, a 1/2 lb. quality patty and Mary's special sauce (I just hope Mary is not really a Larry). My meat saucer was served with a heaping pile of hand cut fries.   At first glance, this burger appeared to be the perfect civil union of meat, cheese and brioche bun.  

I ripped into my burger and was a little disappointed that it was overcooked and tasteless. While the burger's size was impressive, sometime size doesn't really matter.  Put simply, the burger could have used some salt and pepper. 

I hoped for more burger but what I got was more Mary.  If the burger was tastier it would have made the Christina Aguilera and Beyonce' music marathon more bearable. While I might recommend this place for all you bears, wolfs, otters, cubs, daddies, tops, bottoms, divas queens, size queens, drag kings, twinks and yestergays, I would tell the serious burger hunter to look else where.  I was GLAAD I swung by Hamburger Mary's, but would their burger bring me out of the closet for round two? Probably not.  

So the hunt continues, up next Thirsty Isle.

Friscos fails to "Roll Out" a good BURGER.

Before I begin, I want to dedicate this post to my two friends, Sandy and Bone who became vegetarians after petting a cow at the county fair.

On Saturday afternoon, I went to Friscos on Los Coyotes Diagonal. I gathered up some of the usual suspects for this burger orgy. Present were Heatmeiser, Hotdog Jones, Gypsy Jeff, JB, Booger, T -Bag, and Merril the Man. I was somewhat excited to experience a burger joint fashioned after a 50's carhop with young attractive waitresses on roller skates. Further, Friscos claims to have some of the coldest beers in town. On its face, it seemed that Friscos offered the perfect trifecta of burger, beer and bun.

As I swung open the black doors, I felt as if I just entered Studio 54 minus the hairy chests, gold chains and cocaine. Instead of an authentic carhop, I was confronted with glossy black tile, pink neon and stripper poles. I did notice 2 girls dressed in pink skirts on roller skates lazily meandering through the place. However, both looked about as happy and enthused as an adolescent boy at a NAMBLA convention.

But all was not lost, I looked back and observed the temperature gauge on the beer tap. The ever fluctuating thermometer read 29.8 degrees. Great, I placed my beer order and grabbed the menu. Before I could get to the burger section, the beautiful bartender brought my icy beer to the table - on foot. I then combed the glossy pages and ordered the Classic Cheeseburger served with wedge cut fries for $8.95.

The burgers were cooked on a grill to the temperature of medium and served on a delicious egg bun. Burgers? Yes, thats right, Friscos serves their burgers two patty pucks to a bun and for good reason! Each burger was quite a pitiful specimen. It left me thinking of the immortal words of the grouchy geriatric in the old Wendy's commercials, "wheres the beef!" I laced into the burger and was immediately struck by the taste of raw red onions. The burgers lacked any real meaty taste. However, they were covered in a velvety cheddar cheese blanket and the shredded lettuce and tomato appeared fresh and were quite crunchy.

Just as the party ended for Studio 54, so to will it for Friscos. Absent the roller skating teens, sexy asian bartender and frosty cold brews, Friscos has little to offer the big game hamburger hunters.

Would a Leprechaun trade his pot of gold for this BURGER?

While the Irish have no words for yes.... YES!

 

My friend Gypsy Jeff (look for him singing Django Reinhardt tunes in front of the Rite Aid on 2nd Street) recommended this burger to me.  Located in the heart of the gay ghetto on 4th and Broadway, EJ Malloys is a great neighborhood pub with a long copper top bar and open outside patio in the back.  

We entered EJ Malloys at about 8:00, and the place was packed to the gills. I let Heatmeiser walk in first, his flaming red hair gave us instant street cred.  I scanned the crowd and observed all types of local night crawlers and characters.  Fortunately, there were 3 spots at the  bar, so we pulled up and grabbed a menu.  

The menu at EJ's is enough to make Karen Carpenter roll over in her grave.  The lengthy menu offers something for everyone,  from corn beef and cabbage for all you red headed, haggis lovers to BBQ pork carnitas for all of our hermanos to the South. I scanned the menu looking for their basic burger, then I found it for $8.25.  Creatively named the Basic burger for its simplistic ingredients of bun, meat and vegetable.

While waiting for my burger, I began to chat with the bartender and quickly realized that we had gone to high school together.  We caught up on local stories and rumors over a few more beers as I anxiously waited for my burger.  Then it came as beautiful as the fabled blarney stone itself.  After the first bite, I was thinking EJ stood for extra juicy. Served hot and cooked PERFECTLY PINK,  the burger had a great meat taste. The sort of taste one would expect from a great midwestern steak house.  The bun was toasted and covered in a tangy 1000 island sauce.  The burger was topped with lettuce, tomato and red onion.  I ordered cheese on the burger for an extra $.50.  My only complaint is that the cheese was not melted enough... what do you expect for $.50?

In review, this was a great burger.  Not just a great burger for an Irish Pub, but just a great burger.  If you stop by EJ's say Dia Duit (Hello in Irish) to John the Bartender and tell him Hungler and Gypsy Jeff sent you.

Can the Jumper Claim a delicious BURGER?

Yes, I broke down and visited a chain restaurant. At the suggestion and pushy urging of my New York, Jewish Attorney friend and burger connoisseur , I entered the Claim Jumper on 2nd and PCH in search of the perfect flesh patty. Some may ask, can a Jew be a burger connoisseur given their aversion to mixing the meat and cheeses? Well, that's for another blog... see  hasidic-hamburger-helper.com.  Now for all you burger purists who believe a chain restaurant simply can't offer a burger that can compete with the dingy bars, dives and diners of Long Beach, I have some words for you...

I walked into the bustling business at about 6:00 PM on a Sunday night. I quickly skirted the host wearing the silly Sheriff's star and began to make my way through the large bovine like clientele. Wow, can this place pull in the porkers!  My senses were somewhat heightened when I observed these sloven creatures waiting patiently to put down the "Mother Lode". Surely, the obese and substantially rotund know where to find good burgers, a high cholesterol count and a diminished life span.

I entered the bar and bellied up, ordering a cold beer to wet my pallet. I pulled the menu, turned the page and identified my prey. I waited for the bartender and ordered the Classic Cheeseburger medium rare.  Is there any other way to order it?  Double Thick Tillamook Cheddar, Mayo, Red Relish, Pickles, Tomato and Green Leaf Lettuce all for $9.95.

The meat had a great backyard BBQ taste and was cooked to an excellent crimson hue. The Tillamook was perfectly molten and tasted great.  However, the bun lacked the crisp warm crust that is signature to a great burger.  The sauce (red relish??) was average.  The fresh veggies served on top were crisp and cold which went well with the warm cow cake.  The burger was served with a large pickle and crisp fries.

In quick summary, the search is still on.  While the burger had all the arithmetic that could have added up to success, the math was a little off.  

Clearly,  the Claim Jumper has struck gold catering to Richard Simmon's disillusioned and hungry.  However, they have not laid claim to the best burger in Long Beach.  

Does the 49'rs Tavern make the best BURGER in LB?

My vision quest began Sunday night at 49'rs Tavern. Located in an awkward strip mall containing a boxing club and chimney sweep at the corner of PCH and Bellflower, the 49'r is unique because it has no kitchen.  Yes, that's right, the place that claims to have the best burger in LB has no custom indoor grill, flattop, fryer, oven, or trained burger chef.  So how was the burger? Well, we will get there.  

I entered  49'rs Tavern with Hot Dog Jones, Heatmeiser and Dan the "Felter" Man.  We shuffled past some of the Tavern's regulars who were chain smoking in the parking lot.  These gin-blossomed senior citizens were not what I expected from a burger joint on the edge of Long Beach State.  I kept my eye peeled for some of the young  co-ed "dirtbags" (I think that's what you call them) but didn't see any at the pool tables or bar.  It could have been that the Tavern was devoid of any young female "dirtbags" due to the airing of the Daytona 500. However,  I did notice several violet necked fans with Nascar hats yelling at the T.V.'s.

So, I was ready to take on the Tavern's finest, called "God's Own".  To  be fair, this was not my first, second or third Tavern Burger, but the first since I had begun my burger blog. GO is prepared like all of the 49'rs finest  - on an outdoor grill (like the kind you can buy at Home Depot).  So, I walked to the counter and ordered my burger from the young female working the bar.  The young lady, who looked like she had just gotten off tour with Death Cab for Cutie, kindly took my order.  I also ordered a pickled egg for the Heatmeiser.  I then watched as one of the tattoo covered grill masters lurked out the back door to begin work on my burger.

GO is a 1/3 pound burger served on a sesame seed bun.  The tangy meat has an excellent twang from a Worcestershire sauce bath.  The Burger was cooked well and served with a bag of chips in a red basket, simple in its design.  The lettuce, onion and tomato were very fresh and crunchy.  The bun was slightly grilled and the swiss cheese was perfectly melted.  The Burger was dressed in a secret 1000 island style sauce that went well with the twang of the meat.

After finishing my burger and beers, I coasted into the bathroom and pulled up to the urinal troff.  Next to me was an older gentleman massaging his prostate in an effort to relieve himself.  I took up a quick conversation with the man and he mumbled something about a burger contest at the Tavern.  I guess there is a competition to see who can eat 3 triple bypass burgers the fastest.  I quickly zipped up and returned to my table, a little frightened of what I just witnessed and heard.

 

In sum, an excellent back yard burger served in a tiny beer den on the edge of Long Beach State. Unpretentious and cozy, definitely worth a visit.  

The Best Burger in LB? That remains to be tasted.  But a strong burger for $7.75.